My thoughts on Orlando.
I had dinner with my parents and grandmother last night and I felt emotionally charged for most of the meal. To be honest, I've felt emotionally charged most of the week. I've been short with colleagues (a bit snappy at times) and have withdrawn a bit. I didn't really notice any of this until I called a guy last night I recently started seeing on my way home and asked him how he was doing and he reported he was emotionally spent. Our conversation segued into how we as an LGBT community have been supporting one another during this time and what support (or lack thereof) we have felt from our straight friends, family members, coworkers, etc. And how much that has meant or how surprised we have been at the lack of support from those closest to us.
My immediate family hasn't reached out to ask how I'm doing. Do I expect them to? I'm not 100% sure. Should they feel inclined to do so? Should they need to? These are questions I can't fully answer right now. I read an article last night that attempted to explain why LGBT people are frustrated with the lack of support from their straight allies. I sent the article to my brother and sister, not as an attack against them personally or a passive attempt to tell them to step up! or do better! but because I am confident they have LGBT people in their communities and a simple message to say you are thinking of them, here for them, and love them, could go a long way. I wonder if our straight community understands the impact this has had on members of the LGBT community. My sister responded and posed a question I've been processing these last few days - is this any different than what happened in Paris? Is the loss of human life enough? Will we ever be at a place to mourn the loss of life without attaching a specific social identity to it?
And here's where I am at. Yes, the loss of human life is enough. No life should be lost to mass violence whether it's a child at an elementary school or 49 queer people, many from the Latinx community. No, it's not different from Paris or any other mass shooting from the perspective of it's one mass shooting too many, we have to do more than just pray and then move on, and we need serious solutions because we are destroying one another.
But. And I own these are my own thoughts and not reflective of the entire LGBT community, it IS different. For me at least. It's different for me because it hits so close to home. Gay clubs are like churches. Please don't read that the wrong way - they aren't about worship - but they are about community. Gay clubs are where most members of the LGBT community feel safe. For some, it's the ONLY place where they feel safe. When I first came out, I was terrified to visit gay clubs and with the help of a dear friend, started going and realized it was a place I could fully let my guard down and be me without fear of violence or harm. It was safe. I could dance with a man or hold hands or even kiss a man in public and not fear violence. I could approach someone I thought was cute and introduce myself without fear of being called a faggot or punched in the face. I could breathe. So for many queer people, the ONE place they found solace and safety in is no longer a safe haven. And during the one month of the year where the queer community celebrates how far we have come in our quest for human and civil rights - PRIDE.
Our community is small. I had to step away from Facebook because I started seeing friends post RIP messages and tagging their friends who died Sunday in Orlando.
Our community is oppressed. I'll be the first to own how much privilege I have and rarely do I experience oppression or marginalization first-hand for my gay identity. Systemic oppression sure but first-hand experience, not as much. This massacre was horrific and human life was lost. To see messages that express anything BUT regard for human life is gutting. So when the ignorant come out of the woodwork to vilify the queer community, dehumanize or strip away our dignity and worth by quoting Scripture and in any way suggest that because these 49 victims were members of the LGBT community they are less deserving of being mourned, I LOSE MY SHIT. As a Christian, I can't stomach it. As an educated person, I don't get how ignorance is tolerated. As a gay male, I refuse to stand for it.
The recent attacks in Paris and Brussels were tragic. But if anyone had dared suggest those victims were less than in any way because of their nationality or ethnicity, we wouldn't stand for it. That's where the LGBT community is right now. They're in mourning. We mourn the loss of human life. We mourn the loss of a safe space. And we continue to fight for dignity and worth.
My sincere hope is my message above isn't perceived to be my soapbox. To be honest, I didn't write it for you. I wrote it for me. To help me process my thoughts as I continue to press on and make sense of this world.
My immediate family hasn't reached out to ask how I'm doing. Do I expect them to? I'm not 100% sure. Should they feel inclined to do so? Should they need to? These are questions I can't fully answer right now. I read an article last night that attempted to explain why LGBT people are frustrated with the lack of support from their straight allies. I sent the article to my brother and sister, not as an attack against them personally or a passive attempt to tell them to step up! or do better! but because I am confident they have LGBT people in their communities and a simple message to say you are thinking of them, here for them, and love them, could go a long way. I wonder if our straight community understands the impact this has had on members of the LGBT community. My sister responded and posed a question I've been processing these last few days - is this any different than what happened in Paris? Is the loss of human life enough? Will we ever be at a place to mourn the loss of life without attaching a specific social identity to it?
And here's where I am at. Yes, the loss of human life is enough. No life should be lost to mass violence whether it's a child at an elementary school or 49 queer people, many from the Latinx community. No, it's not different from Paris or any other mass shooting from the perspective of it's one mass shooting too many, we have to do more than just pray and then move on, and we need serious solutions because we are destroying one another.
But. And I own these are my own thoughts and not reflective of the entire LGBT community, it IS different. For me at least. It's different for me because it hits so close to home. Gay clubs are like churches. Please don't read that the wrong way - they aren't about worship - but they are about community. Gay clubs are where most members of the LGBT community feel safe. For some, it's the ONLY place where they feel safe. When I first came out, I was terrified to visit gay clubs and with the help of a dear friend, started going and realized it was a place I could fully let my guard down and be me without fear of violence or harm. It was safe. I could dance with a man or hold hands or even kiss a man in public and not fear violence. I could approach someone I thought was cute and introduce myself without fear of being called a faggot or punched in the face. I could breathe. So for many queer people, the ONE place they found solace and safety in is no longer a safe haven. And during the one month of the year where the queer community celebrates how far we have come in our quest for human and civil rights - PRIDE.
Our community is small. I had to step away from Facebook because I started seeing friends post RIP messages and tagging their friends who died Sunday in Orlando.
Our community is oppressed. I'll be the first to own how much privilege I have and rarely do I experience oppression or marginalization first-hand for my gay identity. Systemic oppression sure but first-hand experience, not as much. This massacre was horrific and human life was lost. To see messages that express anything BUT regard for human life is gutting. So when the ignorant come out of the woodwork to vilify the queer community, dehumanize or strip away our dignity and worth by quoting Scripture and in any way suggest that because these 49 victims were members of the LGBT community they are less deserving of being mourned, I LOSE MY SHIT. As a Christian, I can't stomach it. As an educated person, I don't get how ignorance is tolerated. As a gay male, I refuse to stand for it.
The recent attacks in Paris and Brussels were tragic. But if anyone had dared suggest those victims were less than in any way because of their nationality or ethnicity, we wouldn't stand for it. That's where the LGBT community is right now. They're in mourning. We mourn the loss of human life. We mourn the loss of a safe space. And we continue to fight for dignity and worth.
My sincere hope is my message above isn't perceived to be my soapbox. To be honest, I didn't write it for you. I wrote it for me. To help me process my thoughts as I continue to press on and make sense of this world.
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