Compassion: The 6th core value.
During my first institute experience with leadershape back in May 2009, I was forced to spend some time actively reflecting on my values, putting those values on a paper "t-shirt" and proudly wearing it for all to see. That activity was the starting point at the institute in talking about integrity, both my commitment to my values and my ability to "walk the talk," and assess whether my actions aligned with my values. Were they congruent? Was I living (and leading) with integrity?
Ever since then, I've thought a lot about my core values. I recently wrapped my 6th institute at the end of July (my 4th time co-leading) and I make a values t-shirt at each session. I list my core values on my LinkedIn profile and I talk about them in any job interview and have been been known to bring them up when exploring a potential dating relationship. Oh yea, sometimes I like to dig deep when getting to know someone. So what are those values? Responsibility. Inclusion. Community. Integrity. Authenticity. In no particular order.
But it struck me recently when I was chatting with a man online (sounds way more glamorous than it actually is) and he asked me what I was looking for. It's a big question and in the online dating world, the responses can vary greatly. And in that moment when the world around us is hurting - hurting deeply - the first thing that came to mind was compassion. In that moment, compassion is what I was most looking for and it's been sticking with me.
I talk a lot at work with my students and my team (that's right, I finally have a team now!) about giving grace and taking pause before we decide to start digging in on our colleagues or our families of new students and start by assuming that everyone is doing the best they can. Start with the assumption everyone is doing their best and suddenly, giving grace becomes a lot easier. I don't always walk that talk. I'm human.
One of my best friends once told me being a student affairs practitioner ruined dating for her. Ok, maybe ruined is a STRETCH, but definitely made it more difficult. Our profession has taught us not only WHY being inclusive is so valuable but HOW to be more inclusive. So attempting to date someone who drops the R word or doesn't understand why racial jokes aren't funny can be challenging. And I agree with that. Wholeheartedly. But I've also come to realize that I'm the way I am today in part because of my graduate education and my work in the field. Not everyone has that. However, I've found that the men I've dated who are compassionate, who value AND practice compassion, may not always have the tools or the training but they have the heart and the spirit and are open to being challenged and to becoming more inclusive. That's attractive. And it's also an essential quality in the man I'll one day marry.
For the record, the definition of the word "compassion" includes this notion of sympathetic pity. I'll throw that term out the window. I prefer to think of it through the lens of empathy - care for those around us, holding space for those who need it, and a genuine concern for the well-being of others.
Compassion could make the world go round - or least help us feel a little less alone. Sounds alright to me.
I talk a lot at work with my students and my team (that's right, I finally have a team now!) about giving grace and taking pause before we decide to start digging in on our colleagues or our families of new students and start by assuming that everyone is doing the best they can. Start with the assumption everyone is doing their best and suddenly, giving grace becomes a lot easier. I don't always walk that talk. I'm human.
One of my best friends once told me being a student affairs practitioner ruined dating for her. Ok, maybe ruined is a STRETCH, but definitely made it more difficult. Our profession has taught us not only WHY being inclusive is so valuable but HOW to be more inclusive. So attempting to date someone who drops the R word or doesn't understand why racial jokes aren't funny can be challenging. And I agree with that. Wholeheartedly. But I've also come to realize that I'm the way I am today in part because of my graduate education and my work in the field. Not everyone has that. However, I've found that the men I've dated who are compassionate, who value AND practice compassion, may not always have the tools or the training but they have the heart and the spirit and are open to being challenged and to becoming more inclusive. That's attractive. And it's also an essential quality in the man I'll one day marry.
For the record, the definition of the word "compassion" includes this notion of sympathetic pity. I'll throw that term out the window. I prefer to think of it through the lens of empathy - care for those around us, holding space for those who need it, and a genuine concern for the well-being of others.
Compassion could make the world go round - or least help us feel a little less alone. Sounds alright to me.
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