Day by Day.

I attended a workshop last week at work on creating a suicide safer community by examining strategies for prevention, intervention, and postvention. Let me preface what I say next by stating I am in no way, shape, or form having suicidal thoughts or ideations. Not even remotely. I'm good. Yet during a part of the workshop when we examined "signs" that someone is in distress, things hit close to home for me and I had to walk out and catch a breather. 

In the last two months while I have experienced the loss of a relationship and that loss has hit me hard, I wouldn't say that I am depressed. Sure, I'm navigating how to handle change and the loss of someone significant and important in my life but I'm getting out of bed, I'm eating and working out and sleeping, and I'm filling my calendar with social engagements. Pre the entry of this person in my life, I would even look at the last couple months as wins. I've been busy! Solidifying some friendships while expanding my network and meeting new people. Dating! [A separate entry all in itself]. Spending time with family and living life. 

Some highlights from life lately:

• Another volunteer season kicked off with RECreate
• Two of my favorite fall festivals in NOLA: NOLA on Tap and Seafood Festival
• A reunion evening with the old Cabrini Drama Club gang
• Two Rhodes weddings in October! Roll Lynx Roll
• A night in Baton Rouge spending quality time with Brother, Sister, and V!
• A great concert at Gasa Gasa checking out Jamestown Revival
• YLC Field Day (we won!) and a team celebration at Bayou Beer Garden

From the outside looking in, I am thriving. And yet when I allow myself to focus on the loss of that relationship and how solid I felt a couple months ago in that relationship versus now being removed from it and acknowledging the void that relationship has caused in both my life and in my heart, there's a weight that sinks in and forces me to take a moment to breathe deeply and recognize the healing process is one that cannot be rushed, forced, or ignored. It's not like the stomach bug that you suddenly have one moment and then don't the next. It's something that stays with you and sits with you until it eventually releases its hold on you and lets you go. It ebbs and flows, sometimes more present than others and sometimes catching you by surprise and off guard. 

I'm taking things day by day because I've realized sometimes it's the only thing you can do. I'm not really sure what life has in store for me and what lies ahead but I am looking forward to seeing what's around the corner. Stay tuned...

Cheers.