Reflections on PRIDE

It's been 17 years this summer since I first told someone, "I think I might be gay" and I can still recall clearly where I was and how the conversation unfolded. Seventeen years. And likely about 11-13 years since I've been fully out. It took me almost six years and who knows how many conversations filled with anxiety, fear, shame, and pain before I was OK.

OK with being gay.
OK with people knowing I was gay. 
OK with loving myself enough that it didn't matter whether someone took issue with it or not. 
OK with not fearing I'd lose my family and the people who mattered most to me by not only coming out but staying out.

They say you'll spend your whole life coming out. That it's not a one and done thing. That for every new person and new relationship you encounter, we've created a societal expectation that it's their right to know and my responsibility to tell them. It's a footnote or an * that follows me around.

Our community celebrates Pride every June and it's critically important for me each year to press pause between all the celebrating and reflect on my journey, my story. One that wasn't always colorful and vibrant. One that could have gone dark had I not had the right people in my life shining a light on me when I wasn't capable of letting my own light shine. It's why SHINE BRIGHT carries such weight for me. So though I'm a few days late into that reflection, better late than never.

There are days when I think this isn't a big deal anymore. Everyone knows someone who identifies with the LGBTQ+ community. It's become more "normal." But I'm reminded at times it is still a big deal. Still relevant. Maybe even more so today. That my circle and my communities aren't everyone's circles and communities. That owning your story and loving yourself is not a destination; it's a journey. Complicated. Messy. Hell, it's a struggle for anyone, regardless of their sexual identity, who is working toward being brave and courageous and standing in their own truth.

We don't always applaud the lights shining the brightest. We don't always support those standing in their truth. It sure can be lonely. But gosh I want to be in that number. However small or large it may be. So know I'll stand there with you. Owning my story. Loving myself. Let's be brave together.