Thirty.
Well folks, tomorrow is the big day. The big 3-0. No more time to knock off a few more things on my 30B430 list. Considering I only made the list 4 months ago, I'm not sweating the remaining items. The likelihood I would have completed them between the end of April and the end of August is slim to none. Still, I'm content knowing there's still more I want to accomplish and can look back on my 20s with a feeling of contentment more so than regret or anxiety.
It's hard to imagine myself embarking on my 20s. I would have been just starting my sophomore year of college, living in T5 (the townhouses) with 4 of my fraternity brothers and several of my best girlfriends at the time within a stone's throw. I had my own room, would have just completed my first (of many) summers as an Orientation leader and would have been gearing up for fraternity recruitment since I was serving as Rush Chair. My hair, once highlighted, would have returned to its normal shade of brown, I would have looked roughly 17 years old, and I would not yet have begun my obsession with the gym and being fit. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life yet alone what major to pursue, and I had only recently begun to question my sexual identity. Many of the people closest to me would not yet exist in my world and I was woefully unprepared for the roller coaster ride ahead. Little did I know. So what would I tell my younger self looking back 10 years? I'd like to think it'd go a little something like this...
Happy 20th Birthday! Unfortunately, I know you are probably not getting to celebrate too much because you are knee deep in fraternity recruitment. Good luck! You'll end up with a great pledge class. Enjoy the carrot cake and ham Mom sent. You can always count on her for that for about the next 5 years. More ham than you'll ever know what to do with. But eventually you and she will have a discussion about all this ham and the carrot cake you can never eat before it goes bad and they'll stop appearing each year as quickly as they began.
Now on to the big stuff, the "what can you expect" stuff as you look ahead for the next 10 years. I don't want to spoil things too much for you because that takes all the fun out of life. But speaking generally, here's what I can share with you. You are loved. Never forget that. And you will love, deeply. You will never care about things as much as you do people. You'll never love sports the way most men (and some women do) or be a political junkie. But you will become passionate about inclusion, about authenticity, about doing the right thing and standing up for those who are marginalized. You'll find a career you LOVE. In fact, you'll pursue a graduate degree in a few short years. And you'll be GREAT at that career. That career will force you to move around the country a few times. Don't worry. You'll never be as anxious or as sad as you were when you first moved to Memphis. You'll learn some great coping skills and will be just fine. Yes, that knot in your stomach will return once or twice as you embark on new adventures but it will quickly pass. And the best part? You will meet people who become part of the fabric of your life. Friends and relationships that challenge you, stretch you, fulfill you, and inspire you. Your relationship with the family will continue to deepen and strengthen. You will look forward to being an uncle, to traveling abroad with your sister, to celebrating a wedding and many vacations!
Now on to the bigger thing, the thing you won't speak about out loud out of fear and the thing that fills you with self-hatred and more anxiety than you know what to do with. It gets better. When you're ready, you begin to tell those closest to you. The first of those being two of your roommates. You'll be deathly afraid of their reactions and worry it will forever change the course of your relationships. And it does, it makes them stronger. With each person you tell, you are embraced, affirmed, and loved. You'll worry over who to tell, when to tell them, and whether they will tell others. You'll spend the rest of college navigating this difficult terrain. Know that you get through it. The family will continue to love you unconditionally and your friends? they become your rocks. So give them the benefit of the doubt. And one day, though it may seem impossible, you'll be proud of who you are and will stand tall. You won't want to change who you are and who you become. It gets better.
Enjoy and live the hell out of the next 10 years. Yes, you will face many obstacles and hardships. But you are resilient and in 10 years, you'll raise a glass and toast your 20s with nostalgia, pride, and gratitude. Cheers.
Here's to turning 30 tomorrow and to seeing what the world has in store for me over the next 10 years! Cheers.
It's hard to imagine myself embarking on my 20s. I would have been just starting my sophomore year of college, living in T5 (the townhouses) with 4 of my fraternity brothers and several of my best girlfriends at the time within a stone's throw. I had my own room, would have just completed my first (of many) summers as an Orientation leader and would have been gearing up for fraternity recruitment since I was serving as Rush Chair. My hair, once highlighted, would have returned to its normal shade of brown, I would have looked roughly 17 years old, and I would not yet have begun my obsession with the gym and being fit. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life yet alone what major to pursue, and I had only recently begun to question my sexual identity. Many of the people closest to me would not yet exist in my world and I was woefully unprepared for the roller coaster ride ahead. Little did I know. So what would I tell my younger self looking back 10 years? I'd like to think it'd go a little something like this...
Happy 20th Birthday! Unfortunately, I know you are probably not getting to celebrate too much because you are knee deep in fraternity recruitment. Good luck! You'll end up with a great pledge class. Enjoy the carrot cake and ham Mom sent. You can always count on her for that for about the next 5 years. More ham than you'll ever know what to do with. But eventually you and she will have a discussion about all this ham and the carrot cake you can never eat before it goes bad and they'll stop appearing each year as quickly as they began.
Now on to the big stuff, the "what can you expect" stuff as you look ahead for the next 10 years. I don't want to spoil things too much for you because that takes all the fun out of life. But speaking generally, here's what I can share with you. You are loved. Never forget that. And you will love, deeply. You will never care about things as much as you do people. You'll never love sports the way most men (and some women do) or be a political junkie. But you will become passionate about inclusion, about authenticity, about doing the right thing and standing up for those who are marginalized. You'll find a career you LOVE. In fact, you'll pursue a graduate degree in a few short years. And you'll be GREAT at that career. That career will force you to move around the country a few times. Don't worry. You'll never be as anxious or as sad as you were when you first moved to Memphis. You'll learn some great coping skills and will be just fine. Yes, that knot in your stomach will return once or twice as you embark on new adventures but it will quickly pass. And the best part? You will meet people who become part of the fabric of your life. Friends and relationships that challenge you, stretch you, fulfill you, and inspire you. Your relationship with the family will continue to deepen and strengthen. You will look forward to being an uncle, to traveling abroad with your sister, to celebrating a wedding and many vacations!
Now on to the bigger thing, the thing you won't speak about out loud out of fear and the thing that fills you with self-hatred and more anxiety than you know what to do with. It gets better. When you're ready, you begin to tell those closest to you. The first of those being two of your roommates. You'll be deathly afraid of their reactions and worry it will forever change the course of your relationships. And it does, it makes them stronger. With each person you tell, you are embraced, affirmed, and loved. You'll worry over who to tell, when to tell them, and whether they will tell others. You'll spend the rest of college navigating this difficult terrain. Know that you get through it. The family will continue to love you unconditionally and your friends? they become your rocks. So give them the benefit of the doubt. And one day, though it may seem impossible, you'll be proud of who you are and will stand tall. You won't want to change who you are and who you become. It gets better.
Enjoy and live the hell out of the next 10 years. Yes, you will face many obstacles and hardships. But you are resilient and in 10 years, you'll raise a glass and toast your 20s with nostalgia, pride, and gratitude. Cheers.
Here's to turning 30 tomorrow and to seeing what the world has in store for me over the next 10 years! Cheers.
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