Stressed out.

I reached it yesterday. The breaking point. The moment when everything that I'd been bottling up reached the surface and I had no choice but to release it. My supervisor today in my final one-on-one told me he really admired my ability to never let my stress show. That I managed to handle the work and school load effortlessly and I never let on if/when I was really stressed out. I told him he should have seen me last night.

For the past four days, I've been debating the pros and cons of a job offer I haven't even received! I had an on campus visit with a well-known large state institution and loved so many things about it: the environment, the colleagues, the potential supervisor, the students, the job responsibilities, and the positive energy that surrounds the space. The position would give me such a diverse breadth of experiences from advising to supervising, program planning to implementation, collaborations with academic affairs and student affairs, the ability to be an educator both inside and outside the classroom and the opportunity to be mentored by and learn from one of those professionals that truly is a life changer. So what are the cons? Well, the city isn't a booming metropolis and would take some getting used to, the institution is WAY larger than where I hope to finish out my career, the title isn't as glamorous as it could be and for a position that isn't entry level, the salary and benefits are. So all week long, I've been searching apartment ads to figure out whether I can make the salary work and been having both an inner and outer monologue with myself and anyone else that will listen to figure out if this is the right move for me. What are the short term benefits? the long term benefits? what am I gaining? what am I giving up? I've been driving myself batty all week and should I reiterate I don't even have an offer!?! There's a huge potential I won't receive one either! But if I am "their guy," I want to be prepared. To know what to ask for, to negotiate to the best that I am able so that I can make the most informed decision.

But thinking about all of the above plus the end of classes and the large assignments I have no motivation to complete between now and next Thursday when I'm officially done, my graduation, trying to find boxes to pack my stuff nevermind that I have made no plans to store my stuff and have no idea how I'm doing that and have two weeks to figure it out!

SO STRESSED OUT!!!!!

So last night, I broke. I was folding laundry and had just spoken on the phone with my mom when I broke down. I sat in the moment, allowed myself to release the tension, and then grabbed some beer and went over to Daphne's to celebrate her recent job offer and acceptance, have breakfast for dinner, and calm down.

I know there's a plan out there for me. I know it. And I just need to stop worrying and have faith that it will all work out. It always does...

Cheers.