Put your "Man Face" on
I read an article for class tomorrow that has something in the title about "putting your man face on." The article pertains to college men who feel pressured to don a mask to act in accordance with societal standards of masculinity. Heavy drinking and partying, degrading women, inability to express any emotions, and acting out are all mentioned as "normal" definitions of masculinity today.
Gag me. By that definition, I'm not living up to society's definition of what it means to be a "man." I came out to my dad either toward the end of my senior year or right after college, I can't remember when exactly it happened. But I can remember sitting outside with him in our backyard and him saying that regardless, he loved me all the same. For him, it wasn't an issue about who I loved or chose to be with, but it was about how I chose to carry myself through life, as a man. And my dad's definition of being a man didn't mean I had to drink and party hard, talk disparagingly about women, or appear stone cold. His definition included standing true to my beliefs, doing the right thing not because someone says so, but because it's the right thing to do. His definition included taking responsibility for my actions and holding myself accountable. It meant I needed to not squander the gifts I had been given and it meant I needed to treat people with respect. But most of all, it meant I had to work hard and be proud of my achievements and accomplishments.
Sometimes I cry in movies. I'm not afraid to sit down with a friend over coffee and let my guard down and vent about life, love, and everything else in between. I've been known to go shopping, share a bottle of wine with a good friend, and allow myself to feel all that life has to offer. And I don't think any of these things makes me less of a man.
And I guess at the end of the day, I'm not really concerned about what society says masculinity should look like. I'm only concerned about me. how I feel. what I do. I feel for the students in the article who said they feel pressured to act a certain way even though it's not authentic to who they are. And I'm comfortable saying so.
Gag me. By that definition, I'm not living up to society's definition of what it means to be a "man." I came out to my dad either toward the end of my senior year or right after college, I can't remember when exactly it happened. But I can remember sitting outside with him in our backyard and him saying that regardless, he loved me all the same. For him, it wasn't an issue about who I loved or chose to be with, but it was about how I chose to carry myself through life, as a man. And my dad's definition of being a man didn't mean I had to drink and party hard, talk disparagingly about women, or appear stone cold. His definition included standing true to my beliefs, doing the right thing not because someone says so, but because it's the right thing to do. His definition included taking responsibility for my actions and holding myself accountable. It meant I needed to not squander the gifts I had been given and it meant I needed to treat people with respect. But most of all, it meant I had to work hard and be proud of my achievements and accomplishments.
Sometimes I cry in movies. I'm not afraid to sit down with a friend over coffee and let my guard down and vent about life, love, and everything else in between. I've been known to go shopping, share a bottle of wine with a good friend, and allow myself to feel all that life has to offer. And I don't think any of these things makes me less of a man.
And I guess at the end of the day, I'm not really concerned about what society says masculinity should look like. I'm only concerned about me. how I feel. what I do. I feel for the students in the article who said they feel pressured to act a certain way even though it's not authentic to who they are. And I'm comfortable saying so.
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